Dear Reese,
I hear you around 5:30 am — your new desired wake-up time. I should be grateful. You sleep ten hours solid most nights, but it’s 5:30 in the morning. I wait until 5:50 to get you, letting you wake up slowly and foolishly hoping you’ll fall back asleep for another hour.
You are so happy to see me when I approach your crib, even in the dim glow of the Hatch light. I move quietly and keep the room dark since I have this notion that I’ll give you a bottle and you’ll fall back asleep. An ounce in, it’s clear you’re too awake. I turn the bedside table lamp on.
While you take a break from this early breakfast I read you one of the library books I picked up yesterday: The Tiny Seed by Eric Carle. I remember this book: a tiny seed carried on the wind, behind all the others. I didn’t remember what happened to all the other seeds before that tiny seed inevitably thrives: they are burned up by the sun, drowned in the ocean, starved of light by a fast-growing weed. A prettily illustrated retelling of the Hunger Games. It makes me a little sad, but you mostly pay attention while I turn the pages.
After you’re fed, read, and changed I make the call that we’re going to hang out in Mama’s bed. It’s too early for anything else. Then I can lay down, turn on the heated blanket, and we can just vibe until the sun rises. I pull out my journal I haven’t touched in days and flip ahead to put in important dates. Your birthday. Your cousin’s. Your Mama A’s. I narrate it all aloud, hoping to entertain you, but you’re not interested in much but trying to grab things off the tray on the bed. My headphones. Chapstick. The remote. You whine when I take them away.
I prop you up on my lap, your bright face looking down at me, and a little while later your head is against my chest and you’re rubbing your eyes. You seem to agree that 5:30 am was too early after all. You fall asleep like that for nearly an hour, tucked under the heated blanket with me, snoring a little. I read fanfiction on my phone while you rest. I am so happy.
You wake up at 7:45 am and this time we are in agreement. It’s time to start the day.
Love,
Mama